Visible Man
Jamison Green offers a man's POV on life in the trans lane. Opinion,
advice, and information from an internationally respected leader of the
FTM community.
FTM Pride: Are We Ready?
This summer, many people will be participating in Pride events for the
first
time as trans-identified people, or as the partners, families, and
friends of
transpeople. As the transgender movement grows, as more and more people
acknowledge gender diversity and gender variance, or simply come to
revel in
their gender as a component of their sexuality and more, transpeople's
parade contingents are slowly growing.
In San Francisco, MTF contingents
have been around since the first Pride events, but FTM transpeople have
been
slow to come out. The transmen of FTM International turned out only ten
brave marchers, led by photographer Loren Cameron, in the 1994 Pride
march. By 1997 (the most recent year I have numbers for) that contingent
had grown to 47. Granted, in a parade of thousands, before an audience
of
hundreds of thousands, 47 doesn't sound like many. But when you've
struggled
your entire life to find out what your gender difference means and how
you
are going to manage it, it is not always easy to go public about
something
that is still so misunderstood and fraught with difficulty.
In 1994 the San Francisco parade audience had no idea what FTM Pride
meant,
and our marching men received mostly blank stares as they passed by. Yet
every year since then our group has received increasing cheers, waves,
and
shouts of support. Of course, when you start from zero, any response is
gratifying. But I see it as growing evidence that we are being
recognized
and appreciated. FTM contingents have also marched in Boston, Los
Angeles,
and Seattle. Certainly there must be others that I don't know about, and
I
hope we'll continue to see more prideful exhibitions, because transmen
(and
all transpeople) have a lot to be proud of: courage, self-determination,
compassion, and dedication for starters, not to mention that some of us
can
be great in the sack!
Pride parades are a critical venue for trans education. Often a parade
is
the place someone who is questioning her or his gender issues will find
the
courage to ask for concrete information for the first time. But parades
often bring internal conflicts to the surface, too. For years the
prevailing theory about transsexuals held that we simply want
to transition and then to disappear. There are many transpeople for whom
expressing their gender means just being able to relax and feel
ordinary, and
they don't want to call any attention to themselves. We don't want to be
seen as nothing more than transsexuals, and for many of us it is a
legitimate
fear that if our past becomes known we will forever be seen as
not-quite-a-man or not-a-real-woman. Pride season may bring a horrible
sense of conflict to those of us who wish to preserve our
confidentiality.
And people have an inclination to view issues as polar opposites; that
is, if
you are not proud enough to come out and march then you must be ashamed
of
yourself. I disagree. There is a difference between shame and the desire
for confidentiality. There is a difference between pride and unnecessary
exposure. The fact is, for many of us it is simply not safe to come out,
and
that's why it's important for those who are able to speak out (or simply
to
show up) to do so. At the same time we must let those who can't do it
know that it's okay to protect themselves if that's what they must do.
As FTMs have become more visible and vocal, as some of us have made
artistic
or political statements that have garnered some small measure of
attention,
others of us have discovered conflicting feelings about this new social
pressure. Some may feel sad that they cannot come out publicly. Some may
feel jealous that they aren't getting attention. Some may feel grateful
that
others are sticking their necks out. People must learn that they don't
have
to be ashamed or afraid of transsexualism. They must also learn that
transpeople are more than that one aspect of their lives, just as
everyone is
more than just their sexual orientation.
I firmly believe that we should all
be able to be out of the closet without having to suffer repercussions,
but I
know this is not yet possible for each of us. Until it is possible, we
will
need to have marching contingents, no matter how small, in Pride events
all
over the world to prove our existence and to symbolize our desire for
full
participation in every aspect of life. Someday we will achieve our
dreams
and be seen as ordinary, equal people, no matter our differences.
Meanwhile, the pressure point between pride, shame, and confidentiality
is
one that will likely be bearing down on more of us in the future. As
each of
us comes to realize that we don't ever lead really "normal" lives; as
our
networking brings us closer; as our economic, artistic, and political
struggles bring transpeople more attention, I hope that each of us can
manage
this extra pressure with grace.
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